I have no idea where to start with this blog, or restart, as it were. I feel like I need an outlet for my emotions, a safe place to share my feelings and begin anew.

Seven years ago, I opened my coffee house in the town where I grew up. It was fun at times, hard work often, and depressing other times and it was mine. I always had a few bucks in my pocket and always felt needed by those who frequented the establishment. I had many employees, usually women between the ages of 15 and 22, which I've had the distinct pleasure of calling friends. I have introduced people new to town to the morning coffee group, afternoon coffee group, always with mixed reactions... it was like my own social sciences experiment.

Recently, I sold my business. I knew it was time, I knew I was tired and I knew it had to change. With mixed emotions I announce that my parents have purchased the shop, relief and guilt, and have hired a manager. I have spent 50 days away and am ready to talk about it. I am hoping to share my memories, stories and feelings about my separation.


I also want to share with someone whats going on with my body. I have spent the better part of 2 decades battling with weight. I am now considered morbidly obese, and although I may not look like the bedridden giants on reality TV shows, I'm not too far behind. I have spent years focusing on good eating and exercising and yet I increase a little every year. Now that I am not working, the more sedentary lifestyle to which I have become a patron has not been a help. Next week my doctor will tell me I'm close to diabetes, that my blood pressure is extremely high and that I am a walking disaster... this on top of last months news.

Last month I was told that I have 6 growths on my thyroid. We don't yet know what they are, or what they want but they make me so extremely hyperthyroid. For someone as big as me it doesn't mean I will lose weight, but that I'm so exhausted that 5 hours out of the house will wreck me for the rest of the day. I am awaiting the specialist appointment in January, where they will do a biopsy and decide where to go from there. I'm guessing surgery since one of those suckers is pushing on my vocal nerve, ruining my ability to sing and sometimes to talk properly.

Todd is great, very supportive and understanding. He gives me space when I need it and all the hugs and kisses I need. I am thankful for that everyday.

I live in fear. Financial, for all the bills that are piling up. Health because I'm scared that these heart palpitations and high blood pressure will one day cause my heart to quit. I pray for strength, for guidance, for others and know that its the right thing to do. And even though I have faith that it can't always be bad it seems that each day, things get a tiny bit worse.


Wendy